mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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