Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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