why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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