Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
