do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
