why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
