i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
