I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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