Whoa Z and x make the same sound
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
