I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
