I cockslap morals
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
