watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just pee around me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
