i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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