we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
