yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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