i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
