im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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