Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
