you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
