Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
