The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize