Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
