Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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