Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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