Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
