Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
