Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
