God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
It's Friday. Sex?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
