I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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