if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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