OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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