Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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