seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
