Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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