9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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