i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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