It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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