omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have so many feelings about this burrito
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize