I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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