My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
