I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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