Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize