If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
