U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
