Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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