If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
