You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
