Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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