He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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