Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
