you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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