what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
