im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
