I'm laying in your front yard are you home
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Soap is not a condiment
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
