My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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