you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
