I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
