I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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