Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
whose ass print is on the piano?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
