I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
