My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
