He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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