I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
