Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
