you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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