just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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