Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
