i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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