Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
