Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
