We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
