nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
