Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
