bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
