Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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