for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
