Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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