The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
