Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
