I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
