Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
