This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize