I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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